i am kristy

i literally cannot see anything outside my window, the rain and haze is thick and hangs outside my window like a blanket... since there's nothing outside to see, what else can you do but look inside.

inside...

lately, its been somewhat of a void. an empty vessel longing for some breathe of life, even an ounce of some energy to run through the veins and make it remember why its here. sadly it knows where to go, but the struggles of knowing and doing is a constant battle within the mind of laziness, guilt, shame, apathy and fear. turn to the source. it's hard, i know. knowing what to do sometimes and yet not wanting to do it out of automation, simply returning to the default. restore factory settings the label says. it shouldn't be like that. but more so about wanting to have that real passion and desire to want more. that's the difference, the desire, the longing, knowing that there is more than this. but what is here now is not bad, not bad at all. just need to realise that it's only part of what there is to be. one step a long the way. there's more to come. much more ahead. be thankful.

[ok]