i am kristy

As the beloved of my heavenly Father, "I can walk in the valley of darkness: no evil will I fear." As the Beloved, I can "cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out devils." Having "received without charge," I can "give without charge." As the Beloved, I can confront, console, admonish, and encourage without fear of rejection or need for affirmation. As the Beloved, I can suffer persecution without desire for revenge and receive priase without using it as a proof of my goodness. As the Beloved, I can be tortured and killed without ever having to doubt that the love that is given to me is stronger than death. As the Beloved, I am free to live and give life, free also to die while giving life.
"The Return of the Prodigal Son" - Henri J.M. Nouwen

I know this, I can say it... but do I live like what God's beloved should? This book was recommended to me a while back and it's taken a while to pick it up. I'm only on the third chapter and the truth is portrayed so simply and matter of factly I had to stop and write it down. So many people are like the prodigal son, myself included; wanting to take what we can and go out on our own, trying to find love, acceptance, a sense of worth when really we have rejected the only place that we can receive it all, in our Father's place. Not so much in the physical, but in the spirit and our minds.

I relate a little too well to what the author writes, "I am so afraid of being disliked, blamed, put aside, passed over, ignored, persecuted, and killed, that I am constantly developing strategies to defend myself and hereby assure myself the love I think I need and deserve." And in that like the prodigal son, I've been moving away from my Father's home and chosing to live in another distant country...

sigh... I just want to be home where I am called Beloved.