i am kristy

A question that has hardly been heard over the past few weeks...

I thought I was doing ok... making friends, getting out there, looking for a job, settling back into HK, but yesterday was soo hard, I wanted to cry all day long, lots of little things kept happening making it worse and worse

I heard back about a job that I REALLY wanted and thought was perfect for me. Seriously, I actually thought this is God's job for me. but they're on 2nd interviews with another candidate, so most likely will be going with that. I really deflated me. I nearly cried reading that email. I guess I had worked it up in my mind so much that I was going to get it, that when I didn't I didn't know what to do...

Then my sister starts going about how that 7s ticket is hers and if she can't get it, she can't go and what's the point in coming back to hk and so on and so on... made me really angry. Basically I don't really care about the ticket, so she can have it, but just her whole attitude behind it. And this morning had to read all these emails about it, which in my current state didn't really make things better...

I then went to get some makeup and the lady at the counter was really nice and putting it on etc and when I said I didn't have money to buy it now, she got all snotty and said it was the last bottle and there were no other shops in HK... mehh

By this time I just wanted to go home, but I was going out for a birthday dinner... so went along and the whole nite I was feeling sooo out of place. Why am I here?? I hardly know these people, I'm surrounded by people speaking Cantonese and I can kinda understand what they're saying, but not really. I just didn't fit and even after we had gone out for drinks, same thing... why are you still here? Justs a tag along really, do they even care if you're here or not and so on...

Finally I get home about 2am alone in my room I start crying... missing people esp my girls, people I know who I am with, who I can talk to and not try to fit in all. I miss praying with them and having spiritual advice. The only advice I have had from these people is enjoy the free time you've got. Not even pray, God has a job for you etc.

And this morning my mum asked me how I was doing spiritually, and I just started crying at the table talking about everything... mehhh spiritually HK is a very hard place to live, everyone has different agendas, focuses. It's hard, but I know I'm suppose to be here. God help me!!!

... and it's the first day it's rained this much since I've been back...