Monday, January 29, 2007
:007 let's start again
I can't believe I've left this site for so long.. poor thing, I think everyone's forgotten about now. which means I have the 'freedom' of writing whatever I feel like without thinking that there would actually be an audience. which is a funny way to start this off again, as that's how I started blogging
Anyway... I've come along way since then. matured in some ways, grown in others, realised more things about myself than I would admit, as I have been in denial about some things. Hmm it's funny how you come to a point when you have to let everything go of what you know and have known and be completely abandoned to something, someone higher than yourself. For me, this realisation has come after a 21day of fasting+prayer. Though I confess that I didn't and wasn't strong enough, nor disciplined enough to stick through it the full 21 days... but that's besides the point. The areas I fasted, which thankfully didn't include coffee or chocolate the usual things I would do, but were other significant areas of my life which were actually more difficult than I thought they would be. From that time of denial of my sleep-ins, friends (I'll explain that) and shopping I've discovered truths in myself that had been hiding.
Soo you fasted friends, you laugh? It was a funny thing to fast, but at the time I was so completely challenged by God that if I really wanted Him, and loved Him, why wouldn't I give up my friends just to be with him? It was only for 21days anyway... the three things He asked me straight in the face were:
1. I choose you. do you choose me?
2. I pick you. do you pick me?
3. I love you. do you love me?
and hence I chose to give up the time I'd spend with friends, and other things I did to pre-occupy my time, or distract me to be with Him. Though throughout the three weeks, I ended up spending more time watching MGM and spent more time on facebook and the likes... making up for physical friendships I had choosen to go without. Sigh... but despite all that and my weaknesses, God is good and patient and chose to reveal things to me and not just more of himself, but more about me.
Its kinda hard to say what I've been going through, I can't even try to put it in words, but the feeling is there and it's real and I know that each day is a new one, where I can spend getting to know My Lord and just know Him. It's not about what I can do and what I've done or going to do for Him, He knows that already, but what he really wants is just me. That's it. And it's been a real eye-opener and soul-stretching time to just accept that. And as I continue to struggle in my flesh of wanting to prove myself through my works and justify the blessings and gifts that are given to me, God whispered to me last night"Abide in me and I will abide in you."
That's all I have to do... and that's what I'm going to do this year and from now on
Anyway... I've come along way since then. matured in some ways, grown in others, realised more things about myself than I would admit, as I have been in denial about some things. Hmm it's funny how you come to a point when you have to let everything go of what you know and have known and be completely abandoned to something, someone higher than yourself. For me, this realisation has come after a 21day of fasting+prayer. Though I confess that I didn't and wasn't strong enough, nor disciplined enough to stick through it the full 21 days... but that's besides the point. The areas I fasted, which thankfully didn't include coffee or chocolate the usual things I would do, but were other significant areas of my life which were actually more difficult than I thought they would be. From that time of denial of my sleep-ins, friends (I'll explain that) and shopping I've discovered truths in myself that had been hiding.
Soo you fasted friends, you laugh? It was a funny thing to fast, but at the time I was so completely challenged by God that if I really wanted Him, and loved Him, why wouldn't I give up my friends just to be with him? It was only for 21days anyway... the three things He asked me straight in the face were:
1. I choose you. do you choose me?
2. I pick you. do you pick me?
3. I love you. do you love me?
and hence I chose to give up the time I'd spend with friends, and other things I did to pre-occupy my time, or distract me to be with Him. Though throughout the three weeks, I ended up spending more time watching MGM and spent more time on facebook and the likes... making up for physical friendships I had choosen to go without. Sigh... but despite all that and my weaknesses, God is good and patient and chose to reveal things to me and not just more of himself, but more about me.
Its kinda hard to say what I've been going through, I can't even try to put it in words, but the feeling is there and it's real and I know that each day is a new one, where I can spend getting to know My Lord and just know Him. It's not about what I can do and what I've done or going to do for Him, He knows that already, but what he really wants is just me. That's it. And it's been a real eye-opener and soul-stretching time to just accept that. And as I continue to struggle in my flesh of wanting to prove myself through my works and justify the blessings and gifts that are given to me, God whispered to me last night"Abide in me and I will abide in you."
That's all I have to do... and that's what I'm going to do this year and from now on
